It’s Just The Two of us Now Maddie has died.

Dear Max,

R.I.P MADDIE

May 2006- October 10, 2022

“UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN” “AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER”

I know you realize something has been different since Monday. When I came home, I brought an empty cat carrier with me.
Yes, maddie has died. (I had no choice but to euthanize her) She had been with me for 16 years, and she has been your only cat companion for around 2 years.

For two years since we left the exs rv and moved into the apartment it has only been the three of us.

Now, it is only the two of us.

Her death was so sudden an uxpected.

It has only been two days since its been just us. I have noticed your extremely clingy behavior .  As you have been sitting In my lap and following me around. .

I have had a very difficult time over these two years keeping yalls food separate. Since she has always had chronic kidney issues and took medicine for hyperthyroidism.

I had just taken her to the vet last Saturday to check her kidney and thyroid levels, as I have done every three months or so for two years.

She had a great checkup actually one of the best she’s ever had. Her kidney levels had actually improved and her thyroid was balanced.

I also thought that she would pass from her chronic kidney failure. I had never ever expected her to have a sudden and completely unexpected stoke.

On Sunday morning around 6am she threw up. I didn’t see that as unusual. But then she began to wobble and had a difficult time standing up.

I thought perhaps she had injesr3d a sliver of one of my pills off the floor.

Of course it was Sunday and I was scared to death to have to take her to the emergency vet, one because it’s over 45 minutes away and two because I barely leave the house and I had to go alone.

Also I was having the worst sinus Inflammation pain I had ever had and I was dizzy and felt I could barely stand up.

I wrestled with the decision of ordered an uber and having to go so far, but I realized something was really wrong.

The uber came around 6 in the morning. Finally arriving at the vet, I was told she wasn’t poisoned (after waiting for the news for almost an hour) that she had :dropped a clot” which I didn’t understand. I wish they had just said she had a stoke.

After waiting for a few more hour’s for 850 dollars of tests to come back (which turned out to be completely unsessary in the end)

I was given several more expensive options. Due to the expense I decided to take her home and wait to take her to her regular vet Monday morning.

I barely got any sleep Sunday as I had gotten up at around 5 am and been at the emergency vet for five hours.

I had to watch her the rest of the night so I barely slept. I had her sedated with her neurotiin most of the day and night. Sometimes she would try amd struggle to get up. She would start stumbling around and banging into things. I had to pick up her water bowl so she literally wouldn’t drown in it. It was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve seen watching her struggle like that. She seemed to really have no idea where she was. About every 15 to 20 minutes throughout the night, I would look over to see if she was still breathing. I wasn’t sure if she was going to pass on her own, perhaps I hoped that she would so she wouldn’t have to struggle, and that I suppose selfishly that I would be able to grieve privately without being watched by the vet staff during euthanasia. (however knowing that if she passed here it would definitely be quite frightening for me).

The emergency vet asked me if she was blind
I said no she’s not blind. But in truth the stoke was so severe I suppose that it did blind her in one eye almost immediately.

When I took a last photo of her on Monday morning. It clearly showed that one of her eyes had gone dim and had glazed over.

I placed her on the mattress and covered her with my Lion bedspread. 
In her last photo I placed what I call (hopes bear) beside her. It is a tiny bear that I have had for a while. It’s called Hope’s bear because it was what I placed beside my 3 week old foster kitten who I named hope when I knew her end was also near.

I placed.her in her carrier for her final trip. I decided to call an uber (which was a big mistake) I told Max to tell her goodbye once last time. I shut the apartment door and I starting crying, I said let’s go Maddie its.time for you to.go.to heaven

When we finally got to south Orlando animal hospital (after the uber driver who was not fluent in english got lost) the receptionists (especially miss Jane) was quite sympathic most of them had heard of the necessity of her euthanizeation. And most of them were very familiar with her because I had to bring her in all the time for her kidney and thyroid tests.

I decided that I should be with her, because she had been there for me for so many years.

I took hopes bear  out of her carrier, this would be what I held onto as I waited fo her to pass

. Unfortunately It took them quite a Long time to put her to sleep as she had such low blood pressure they had trouble finding a vain. 

I did speak to her before in private, but then since it took a very Long time to put her down I had to hold her paw with the doctors there as we were waiting I told her to go to my mom. That she was waiting.

I told her she would see her brother and the many many of my cats who had gone before her (including my beloved Sydney who passed in 2007) . In front of thr doctors as they had to get more drugs.

I put my hand on her and asked God to recieve her soul Into his heavenly kingdom. (with tears streaming down my face) It took a Long time actually probably 10 to 15 minutes.

As the doctors admittinsterd the third and final drugs. I held her paw and told her that it was time for her to let go. That she needed to go ahead and let go. 

Finally I asked was she gone. And the vet said yes. Again I silently asked Jesus to recieve her soul into heaven and when she died i was not very afraid because I knew she had gone and it was only her body on the table.

She Continued to lay on the table while the assistant went to get some urn options for me which were not many. I told them I would call them back. Oh God I gotta do that tomorrow cause she’s kinda in their freezer. Well her body is in their freezer, so i spoke to her then not to her body but I looked up to heaven and I waved at her.

As was ready to leave I kissed her body on the head , shut her eyes. and told her I loved her. and as to the promise I had made to previous cats told that we would be together again.