Beginning third year in apartment. (ATTENTION TRANSLATOR AT BOTTOM OF PAGE. SCROLL DOWN IF VIDEO APPERS BLANK IT SHOULD STILL PLAY.

Dear Max,

So, we will soon be beginning our third year here at the apartment. Unfortunately, maddie won’t be with us, but I know she is here in spirit ❤️  it’s definitely strange without her though. (as I am 46 and never had only one cat ever since I can remember)

Nothing much has really changed, (of course) over the past two years here. People still stay to themselves, neighbors do not care to speak to neighbors. The upstairs neighbors (of course) are still content with making us miserable with their banging and noise. Most people here in the complex still do not speak a word of English.

Neither do delivery drivers, instacart,, or ubers. It still makes things quite difficult.

Unfortunately, there has been one major change for the worst. The rent has now skyrocked here. When I moved in, I was paying 1400 a month, now, on my first payment of the new year, It seems to have gone up to almost 1600 a month. That is quite frightening.

It is also frustrating, we live in an extremely small apartment. We have an extremely small room, which most likely is about as big as a hotel room.

When I look around, I feel suffocated. Like I am living in a box. Of course there is a small bedroom which had not been used in months and months due to the flea infestation of almost a year.

And one small bathroom.

I imagine this third year here will pass quickly with not much fanfare. Things will most likely not change.

Except for the severity of my chronic medical problems. They are getting worse and worse. That is the only thing that will most likely change.

The apartment of course allows for two pets. Now since Maddie is gone, I have finally have that option of another pet.

When I told my psychatrist this, he asked if I would be doing so, getting another pet. He thought it would be a good idea.

Unfortunately, I told him that I thought right now, that it would be a selfish action to get another pet. As my medical problems worsen, i definitely have concern about taking care of a new animal, even though it definitely does not require much effort.

Also the constant worry of making sure that in an emergency you would get the medical care you need is there. As well as the constant fear that you might pass away.

I told my psychatrist the fears, luckily he said to me that my current decision said a lot about my character, that I would delay any possible happiness a new pet would definitely bring out of concern for the animal. I appreciated that, it is extremely rare that I recieve any type of compliment

So, as we begin our third year here, this time without maddie. Most likely things will remain the same.

But I will always do the best that I can. This is all that I can ask of myself.

I have lost all hope. But even so I wish us peace.