Month: July 2023

Dear Max,

As today (thank God) I got lucky enough to find someone on taskmaster to pick up my prescriptions. (because I couldn’t do it) due to the headaches 😫(which are everyday)

I am terrified, (that’s an understatement) I can’t even pick up my own prescriptions)

I’ve been trying as I lay here all day and everyday with ice on my head to think of another situation where it was this bad.

I suppose sometimes I forget 20 or so years ago the debiliting agoraphobia (which caused basically the same situation I am in now. (Drastic horrible things were done to me) because mom was dying and somehow I had to function)

I forget how I couldn’t even step into a store. Could barely drive. Could barely make it out the door. Then at some point it really became a lot like the situation is now. I tried to find medical assistants to get to doctors (I couldnt) I can’t believe it’s still the same 20 years later.

There’s no company that will do it. I also absolutely could not get to any store. I had no food. I tried to call churches to help (but they don’t help you if you are trapped in your house) some churches.

So the ex actually had to order things from walgreens and ship them to me. Even though he lived in California.

He had dumped me and brought me back to Memphis. I begged him to take me back because I was completely debilitated.. thats how I ended up back in California for 12 years. But I did improve and I wish the relationship had ended then

But that’s neither here nor there. I have no idea how I got the cats medical care. I suppose I was lucky enough that they didn’t need it (except that Georgie had diabetes) and had to be at the vet nearly every day. (Perhaps the anxiety was better by then

So now we are back in basically the same situation. (Except due to a medical situation) instead of a mental one) And there really seems no way out this time. I mean I’m really serious. REALLY

But yes being completely helpless has happened before. But there was a way out then. There’s no way out now.

What do i do? Lord have mercy in christ what am I going to do? And I have no answer.

And the pain every single day is just intolerable. It makes me wonder of things.

Meowmmy ❤️

Dear meowmmy

Happy 47th birthday.
Thank you for trying your absolute best, in these past months to find out why I have been wheezing and stuffed up.

As much as you have tried with three vet’s and many diagnosis the cause still hasn’t been found, and I know it hurts your heart to still hear me wheezy.

I also know all the effort and still with no real cause it has been quite stressful, in fact downright terrifying for you, as losing me is your ultimate fear.

(a truly inner horror which you suffer from everyday) (even in your sleep) I wish there was something I could do
I also know and sense that if the need arrised you would give up your life  so that I would.not have to give up. mine.

So I am.so happy that you picked me from that faraway petsmart out of all my siblings those five years ago. You are the best cat mom that any cat could ever have. I love you so much.. happy birthday and congratulations for making it this far.

Max

Dear meowmmy,

As I have died this year. And this will be your first birthday in 16 years without me.

I am always with you and max in spirt perhaps I even know and see what torture you are enduring.. I know yall miss me and I miss you too. I could not have asked for better loving and attentive  care while I was on this earth and at the end.

I know and look forward to when yall will come. Perhaps I do know the day and the hour. (And perhaps that was my spirt that you felt last  September one month before my death) as a comfort for you to revisit

Whether soon or in a little while. (Not to long) I will be waiting with open paws. I will always love each of you very much and I keep you in my heart.

Love maddie.